11 A Middle School Dance Story by John Swaim

A Middle School Dance Memory by John Swaim

This we believe. (2010). NMSA

*The school environment is inviting, safe, inclusive, and supportive of all. School Environment

This we believe (NMSA, 2010) provides sixteen characteristics of exemplary middle schools. This is the eleventh characteristic and falls under the category of Culture and Community. Supporting the environment means looking for ways to create experiences for young adolescents that meet their social and emotional needs. In addition, we as educators and administrators must be present and willing to participate in their experiences.  We must listen with our eyes, our ears, our feet, and our hearts. The following is a memory shared by John Swaim of his experience as a middle school principal.

One of your blogs reminded me of a memorable moment of an interaction with a middle school student when I was a principal. It taught me a valuable lesson about how sensitive and vulnerable young adolescents are at this age. This indeed is a critical and unique time in their lives and we cannot lose sight of who they are. 

We were having our annual, end of the year, middle school dance.  All seventh and eighth graders were invited, and sixth graders could attend with parent permission.  It had come down to the last dance, and of course, it was a slow dance.  As I looked out on the dance floor the students were entwined in each other’s arms. 

I turned to see a young seventh-grade girl, who was dressed fit to kill, with make-up that was close to being excessive, walking toward me.  She stopped right in front of me, looked up, and ask, “Mr. Swaim will you dance with me?”

I didn’t hesitate and said, “Sure I would be glad to”. 

As we walked out to the dance floor we stopped and she started to put her arms around me like every body else on the dance floor.  I quickly told her that I was not taught to dance like that, and I was afraid if I tried to dance that way I would probably step on her feet.  I showed her the old traditional stand, and she seemed to be okay with it; it was as if she was just glad to be on the dance floor.

When the music stopped she looked up at me with tears in her eyes and said,  “Thanks, you were the only one I danced with tonight.” 

I said,” Wait a minute. I saw several boys who also didn’t dance; and I think they, or at least some of them, were afraid to ask you to dance because they thought you would turn them down.” 

She sighed and responded, “You really think so?” 

I said, “I think that it is absolutely the reason!” 

She then rationalized that she was sure that Jimmy, her best friend, would have asked her to dance; and she would have danced with him if he would have only asked. 

Her tender tears were not completely gone, but at least they were not washing away her make-up.  Then, as we were walking off the dance floor she made a comment that only a seventh grade, early adolescent girl, could make in this situation, “You know I don’t understand boys sometime.”

Lesson Learned

Too often when young adolescents approach either a parent or a teacher, with what they consider a serious problem, we tend to put it into the same category as what would be considered to be a serious problem for an adult.  Not being asked to dance is just as serious to a young adolescent girl as losing a job is to an adult, at that moment.  The immediate feeling is the same. 

The difference is, adults have the ability, in most cases, to put the problem in perceptive; and adults have strategies to deal with problems; whereas the young adolescent has not developed these coping skills. It is important that we look at the problems our young adolescent face through their lens, the lens of young adolescents, and then find ways to help them cope with their problems.