11. Learn to forgive your kids and yourself

11. Forgiveness

This we believe (NMSA, 2010)

*The school environment is inviting, safe, inclusive, and supportive of all.

School Environment

There have been times during this experience that I have felt the pressure of 'not being on my game.' Anyone who has participated in athletics or performing musically or intellectually knows what it looks like when the team or person is not connected, when, even with preparation and commitment, shots don't fall, landings are missed, notes are skipped, or words are misspelled. I had one of those moments yesterday.

I sometimes think our expectations exceed our abilities, and I think the frustrations associated with a class or a student, and those moments crush our spirit. Yesterday, I found myself getting frustrated with a student who appeared, to me, to be waiting for me to leave his side so he wouldn't have to participate; another student, several actually, through the course of an exam, in another class we're talking, and others appeared to be so lost that I wonder if they had been in class at all. 'People,' I boomed, 'make a table...', and this was my advanced class. At the end of the day I was tired, and felt like I had not handled the day well. Do my children really deserve someone who gets frustrated with their lack of motivation or abilities, or decisions? ..."

When I finally took a breath It was twelve hours later. I worried all night, through the night, about the spirit of teaching and how our own frustrations de-energize a classroom. As I backed out of my driveway I noticed the azaleas in the final stages of their blooming; and on my way to work, a beautiful gold and gray morning unfolded above the mountains. And I thought, you know, life is very short and we only have this one chance to help these kids. We have to take them where they are every day and encourage them, lead them, never give up on them.

This morning we, as a faculty, received an email from our school counselor sharing the following:

"I am sure that many of you have seen it happening.  In the counseling office I have seen a huge increase in bullying over the last few days.  Yesterday alone I had 7 bully referrals before lunch!....  As I walked in today I have several students who are in severe emotional distress..."

With an enlightened spirit, I will address today with a different view; the view that I only have about 30 hours left, 1.25 days of their precious lives.

Advice

1)    One of the hardest things to do is to not take students' attitudes personally.  I am not saying there are not students who deliberately want to sabotage a class. But the days when you aren't on your game, try not to beat yourself up. Most students will leave your class and forget they were acting like a middle school student.

2)    Evidently, I am reliving the stress of the end of a year. We are in the home stretch, literally. Three of my team mates are coaches and spending time after school, driving to pick up a bus during lunch, spending hours preparing for games, and working with about 25 students each every day after school and on game days trying to get everything ready for the kids. We are all tired. Recognize that your patience my falter, but these kids need us on their side every day. It is important to find coping skills and implement them...diet, exercise, hobbies, good books, movies, and bubble baths are good strategies.

3)    Mr. Childers (see 'It is about the journey, not the destination') says, 'Kids want to be accepted. If you make a mistake, ask for forgiveness.' I have found this to be true rough out this year. I also accept my students' apologies without hesitation. Forgiveness of your students and yourself is a key characteristic of a mindful teacher.

4)    Find someone whom you trust to share your disappointments. A good friend will let you vent for a little while, but will then, hopefully, remind you that you are human.

5)    Take time for yourself. Engage in a hobby, or craft, or activity that is healthy for your spirit.

6)    Talk to your school counselors when you see a change in your students' behaviors.